to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
