I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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