Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
