the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
