We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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