my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
