Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
