My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
