Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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