guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
