Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
