I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
