i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
