That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
