dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
This is the high leading the old right now
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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