he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
