so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
