i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
