I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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