We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
