It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
