Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
