Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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