i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
