Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
