just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
