You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
