I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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