I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
