you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
