Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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