remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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