pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
