yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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