Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
