Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
