He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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