I accidentally had phone sex last night
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
