i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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