That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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