Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
