Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
