A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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