Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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