I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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