This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
BRING THE BAGELS
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
