I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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