I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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