I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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