3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
