I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
