go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
