Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
