just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
